My adventures playing Chess

I have a crazy, hysterically funny guy friend who hung out at my house all of the time named Derrick. We were bored to tears one night so he said, "Do you play chess?" Well I had learned how the men were suppose to move when I was in grade school but that was it. He said, "Come On, lets play, I'll teach you." He did not know what he was in for.

Derrick is an excellent player, probably one of the best I've seen. He patiently played the game with me until I caught on and that night of what we thought would be boredom turned into three days and nights of non-stop chess playing. You could rightfully compare the three days and nights to Jonah in the belly of the whale and Christ in Josephs new tomb! Pure hell for Derrick but obsessive pleasure for me.

Of course, Derrick won every game and I refused to quit until I beat him. He wouldn't give me any breaks. None what so ever. I yelled to him over and over, "Can't you show me just one ounce of mercy?" NO! He would shout back! "I want to make you a strong player!" I did get better.

Derrick and I both became obsessed with playing chess. After I started to beat him once in awhile, the heat was on! Derrick considers himself one of the best chess players and started to develop an attitude when I won. He is also a talker throughout the game. He loves to tell you over and over how you will not beat him, he will have you licked in three moves, and laughs when I or anyone else he plays makes a stupid move. He really gets under your skin. His ego gets out of control and eventually, after about a month of non-stop playing, mine did too. The only reason our chess sessions would end, is because he would make me so angry that I would rip the board up and throw all the pieces across the room. We would curse each other out and he would go home. Derrick would be over the next week with a new chess game under his arm freshly purchased from walmart and the battles would begin again.

Our obsession grew to the extreme of barricading ourselves into my bedroom for months. We had to do this of course because the other people who always hung out at my house were just too loud for our genius minds to contemplate our next moves.. Naturally we purchased a beautiful stainless steel small refrigerator/freezer and microwave for the bedroom. I had a large bathroom in there already so there was no reason to leave. Everyone thought we had gone mad and people were constantly knocking on the bedroom door which was really irritating. Just to prove to everyone that we were normal and hadn't gone over the edge, we decided to, at least once a week, leave our humble abode, and rent a cheap hotel room to enjoy our love, CHESS. So with our usual stop at Walmart, yes, the boards are still frequently ripped to shreds and Derrick was still ducking flying horses and pawns, we would be off to a cheap, sleazy hotel room. The lights never went out and clothes were never taken off but the nights were hot and steamy, filled with passion. At 11a.m. checkout time the next morning, we would leave our smoke filled nest of love happy and fulfilled. Minus some pawns, knights, bishops and a horse or two.

You're probably wondering how Derrick and I maintained jobs and income if we played chess non-stop for days and nights. Right? Well, silly, that's an easy question to answer. WE HAD NO JOBS OR INCOME! Jobs would interfere with our chess game. Come on now, get with the program.

Derrick was a 40 year old man, with no job, no car, and living with mommy in her big house when he wasn't barricaded in my bedroom playing chess. I was, um, in that age group, with no job, living off my stocks, and had 2 cars. So I felt it my duty to preach to Derrick as to how screwed up his life was. "HOW, JUST TELL ME HOW, DOES ANYONE THAT CAN HAVE SO MUCH STRATEGY IN A CHESS GAME NOT BE ABLE TO APPLY SOME OF IT TO THEIR LIFE?" I would yell, gloating over him, as if my life were any better. He would angrily throw the chess board across the room, Lisa style, and run home to mommy.

While Derrick was at home with mommy pouting, he would instant messenger me all day on the computer. We thought wow, sure do miss playing chess." Well come and get me," he would cry. "Can't." "No gas in the cars." "Have your mom bring you back over," I begged. "She said she wont take me back over there since she just drove all that way to pick me up from there," he typed, in between sniffles.

We had to fix this problem. "Hey!" "I think we can go to a game site online and find a way to play each other via Internet!" Derrick marvelled at my brilliance. We both did our little searches and came up with yahoogames.com. We thought we had died and gone to heaven.

A whole new world had opened up for us. We could play chess even when we were apart. We could build a score and play other people as well. I could watch Derrick play other chess players who thought "they were the best at chess" while Derrick shattered their egos. I was so proud. You have an instant messenger in the game room which means you can talk to each other while playing the game. I could cheer Derrick on, he could give me words of support and advice when I played others.

We fell in love with yahoogames. Even when we were together we stopped playing on those Walmart boards. We brought out the laptops. Boards seemed so out dated and we were shocked that we hadn't discovered online chess much earlier.

Of course, now that we played chess online, Derrick and I didn't have to spend as much time together in physical presence. This gave us the opportunity to socialize with other chess players and broaden our horizons.

Personality traits of chess players:

1. egotistical
2. poor sports
3. arrogant
4. half talk too much
5. half don't talk at all
6. competitive
7. ones I've encountered who have great strategy, have really unstrategized(if thats a word) lives, amazingly.
8. deep thinkers
9. stubborn
10. just plain weird

I think some people use yahoogames as a dating site. It never fails, when I go into a room and create a table, A player will come on and the first question as we start to play, is a,s,l? age, sex, location. Then, are you married? What do you look like? Could you describe yourself? After you hear this and a whole lot more, about 20 times, you start to curse people out. This is so annoying when you are trying to concentrate on your game.

When You get a serious player, you can still run into strange people. I'll give you an example, but first, let me explain: In your chess room there are a few buttons you can hit. One is UNDO. That means that if a player makes a move and realizes it was a mistake, he can hit undo and request that you let him re do his move. You can say yes or no. Here is an example of an instant messenger conversation I had with one of my chess buddies, but keep in mind that I too, when I play chess, have the same personality traits that I mentioned above.

I'll use my buddies initials T.A. We gave our cordial Hi's and started the game with no talking. This was our first time meeting and playing each other. Half way through the game...............

A request for an undo was made. I hit No.

T.A- why wont you give me my undo that i requested?

ME- because I don't give undos.

T.A- why not?

ME- because that's the object of the game, to capitalize on another persons mistake.

T.A.- that isn't fair. I refuse to move until you give me my undo.

ME- Well Mister, I guess we will be sitting here for a long time because I will not give you an undo.

T.A- I demand it!

ME- Your demands don't mean crap to me!

T.A.- What! how dare you. Women in my country do not act in such a way!

ME- Well, what glorious country do you come from? What are you some kind of terrorist?

T.A.- I am no terrorist! I demand an apology!

ME- nope. Move, you whiney bastard!

T.A.- Why would you call me a terrorist?

ME- just move, im not giving you an undo.

T.A- I am from Egypt. I am a plastic surgeon, and perform laser surgery. I am No terrorist!

ME- good. glad to know you aren't a terrorist, but I don't care if you're the King of Egypt, I'm not giving you an undo. So move or we will sit here all night.

T.A.- I am a man of honor and refuse to move until you grant me an undo.

ME- Look buddy, you have a much higher score than I do. If you're so smart, Mister surgeon, then you shouldn't have made such a stupid move.

T.A.- Lisa, I love you! I have never met a woman like you. I have been searching for someone who is like you my entire life.

ME- Nice try , but I'm not giving you an undo.

T.A.- No, Lisa, I mean this. I have never had a woman stand up to me before like you have. I want to marry you.

ME- What? you do?

T.A. Yes! Where do you live? Are you married?

ME- In the USA and not anymore.

T.A.- Do you think we could be friends, Lisa, and get to know each other?

ME- Sure, I suppose we could be friends. What is Egypt like? How long have you been a surgeon?

T.A.- Egypt is beautiful and wonderful, you will love it. I have been a surgeon for one year and I still go to the University. Can we exchange emails?

ME- Sure, mine is xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com.

T.A.- thank you, Lisa. My email is xxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com. I will write you a long email tonight. You are a beautiful and strong woman.

ME- thank you. That is really sweet of you to say.

T.A.- I want to resign and let you be the winner of the game.

ME- Awe, that is so nice of you, but i couldn't let you do that. I'm going to grant you an undo.

T.A.- Oh no, please. I am a gentleman. I insist that I resign.

ME- You are such a wonderful man. I feel terrible that I didn't give you an undo. I really want to give you an undo. I'm very sorry that I called you a terrorist. That was so rude of me.

T.A.-thank you,Lisa, but I insist that you do not give me an undo. I will resign. I accept your apology for calling me a terrorist. I realize that you didn't really mean it.

T.A. resigned and gave me the game. There was much more to the conversation. It lasted an hour with our fighting back and forth. Then another hour making up after the marriage proposal. Believe it or not, T.A. and I still email each other. He sends me pictures of Egypt and we laugh at how we first met. He celebrated a bithday 2 days ago. He and I share the same birthday month, December. We have been friends now for over a year, and no, we haven't married. Nor will we!

Now If the conversation I had with T.A. upon our first meeting doesn't reserve me a lying down position on a sofa in a psychiatrists office, I don't know what will. Except for maybe an example of another encounter I had with a buddy. The meeting with my now friend, C.I., went a little different and I cannot remember verbatim how the conversation started or ended. I do remember that I was winning and beating him badly. He was being a poor sport and and he was saying some really mean things to me. I of course, said a whole lot of mean things back. Toward the end of our last game, he started telling me how his mother had died, he had lost his job, was homeless, and he was going to kill himself. I was devastated. Naturally I felt bad for the rude comments I had made to him, even if his were even more rude. Before I could apologize and try to talk him out of suicide, he signed out of the game room. Oh my God, what do I do? This poor guy is going to kill himself and I have no way of finding him to stop him! I panicked. I was crying hysterically and felt helpless as to what I should do. I called Derrick. He came over and somehow we figured out what CI.'s email was, based on the little information I knew about him. I wrote probably a 5 hour email begging him not kill himself, filled with inspiration as to why he should live. I was trying desperately to save his life, feeling guilty that I had contributed to his suicidal thoughts due to my rude comments. All I could do is pray that he would get the email and not die. Lo and behold, a couple of days later I received an email from him. He thanked me for my concern, explained why he wanted to die and said that my email helped talk him out of killing himself. He promised me that he wouldn't commit suicide. I was thrilled! It has been over a year now since my first encounter with C.I. and I am happy to report that he is in college, has a job, is renting an apartment, has a new love in his life, and is happy to be alive. I like to think that I contributed to some of his successes. Even if in a small way.

I still love to play chess, even though I'm really not the best at it by chess player standards. I stopped playing about 6 months ago on the obsessive level. I realized my own life was slipping away and I had to stop! This addiction has been one of the hardest to break. I do have an addictive personality and find it difficult to stop doing things that give me so much pleasure. I have to admit that I slip now and then and click on yahoogames for a game or two but I end it at that. I did learn a lot about people playing this game and met some really interesting characters and friends. I like to think that I helped a few suffering souls along the way as well. I have no regrets.